A Thankless task....Looking after dementia carers

I have thought long and hard about this post. I don't want to sound ungrateful or to moan. I have had a week off work, it's half term but my children are at an age where they don't surface until lunch, at the earliest. I decided I would try to do things with my mum. Previous readers of the blog will realise the situation. New readers here's a synopsis. Dad has stroke 11 years ago, 4 years ago started forgetting, 12 months ago diagnosed with advanced dementia. Mum looked after him. Psychotic breakdown ensues in March, he moves into full time care. I sit on the sidelines trying to support, shop, be full time administrator of their lives and now professional battler to get them what they deserve, are entitled to and need. Saturday, The week starts out well, I set out with mum to see dad but have to turn back, not feeling good and daren't take germs to home. I am confined to the sofa with that bug every one seems to have. Not one to be selfish I share with my family! Sunday we go to see dad. Mum seems very obsessed with everything going on in the home, all except my dad. Her fussing and flitting keeps her busy. She has always been active so this is her way of feeling useful, but he just keeps asking where's Betty? Every now and again flickers of his wicked sense of humour emerge. Monday crisis!!! Mum leaves the phone off the hook so her "friends" start ringing me and appear very judgemental that I haven't been to see her. I eventually get hold of her, one of her well meaning friends has been to see her and tell her her phone is off the hook. We have a laugh over her friends concerns, our motto is and always will be If they are calling us names they are leaving someone else alone. It never fails She agrees in true northern mum style to give me three rings if she is planning on going. Otherwise she will put the phone back on the hook when she next needs it. Since then, we have been shopping. Three hours in asda to spend £35. 30 mins in coop to buy milk. Yes she is lonely. But this has to stop. I am a hard daughter apparently. I have explained that unless she starts to go out more she may as well be in a home. Yes, I said I was a horrid daughter. This is a highly socialable lady, one who after four years of caring had a complete breakdown. But she has to go out. She does, but only with me, or one friend. The scooter from the Jenson Button move over blog remains static. But she has acquired three shades of nail polish to touch up a scuff!! Today we went to town, no not dancing in the street spending all our cash living the high life going to town. Actually went to town. She was very disorientated. It's worse than having a toddler without a safety rein. It's actually drains me as I am on high alert the whole time. Then we saw dad, he was great. Can't remember anything but looked really good. I now have to make sure I do not go the same way. Yes selfish. But I have seen what being a carer can do and I can't afford to go the same way as my mother. So I will continue to ring, take her out , and yet keep my own space and sanity. But for tomorrow, I am taking hr to the spa! I must be a glutton for punishment. But then again if she can see me she will be safe, and not worry.