Acceptance

A eventful two weeks indeed. Those who have read previously blogs may realise the situation, for those who don't a quick recap. He has stroke 10 plus years ago, recovers but needs full time assistance. She looks after him. He develops dementia 18 months ago, not early onset, full blown, memory span of goldfish, dementia. She gets ill, goes in hospital psychotic breakdown ensues. He is put in care. She says he will come home. Well mum had been slowly recovering from her breakdown, slowly may appear as normal,but really slowly. She is now living alone for the first time in 59 years. She has lost all confidence to the point she is reluctant to go out. I have encouraged independence . She bought a scooter, read the move over jenson button blog for the details of that. The scooter I fear will gather cobwebs and never get used. I asked this week if she had tried it. Her response I will go on it in my own time I will not be forced. And yet she stays sat in the house, no TV on , no radio just blankly sitting in a chair imagining problems, and feeling guilty at not being able to care for her husband. New ones this week include her neighbour cutting down her trees, he does but only the bits hanging over her fence, another neighbour having a window fitted to their garage to spy on her. really, it's at the back of your garage and unless you will be up to no good in the garden all they can see is the grass growing! But last week she went back into hospital. It was really weird. On the approach road she said where's Peter? He is my other half, who apparently left during the last hospital stay. He is at work, I replied. He said he would guide us in. Odd. Once in the waiting area she constantly asked where he was as she could hear him. He was the other side of Manchester. I filled the nurse in on the previous hospital stay and said she is now medicated and to reassure her. The day after she had her operation she slept a lot. I stayed away, visitors seem to make her worse and more paranoid. On the next day I rang to see if I could collect her. Come down and we will see, we may need a psyc consult. What's happened? She kept the night staff up looking for me in cupboards, bathrooms and any other door she could open. I went to get her quickly . She's home again, but not my mum. I took her shopping yesterday and it's worse than having a toddler. I am constantly looking whe she is. Stay here until I come back! is said a lot, as she has mobility problems and struggles walking, but forgets most things until you are four aisles past the item she needs. I asked her if she wanted to go see dad. Oh no, she said. I went yesterday he's having a ball in that place. All guilt forgot I think she has accepted he can't come home and is really happy in the home. Never goes out eh? Maybe I am being led a merry dance. Lets hope now the guilt is gone, she can get back to normal. Oh and look out village I may get her on the scooter yet!