When carers can't care anymore

After 16 days and a failed procedure to sort out her physical problem my mother has been discharged. It's been an interesting two weeks. But apparently she is fit to be released with daily visits from CPN. I have left her with meals for a week, yes I will be visiting during this time but bulk cooking is easier. Today was great fun, I arrived with her shopping, no answer. I rang the doorbell and her landline and mobile no answer. I rang her friend, she wasn't there. So I rang Mr B who zoomed down to come in house with our keys. Even though she is my mother I do not like to use keys to her house unless agreed in advance. I think it is rude and would hate anyone to use keys to mine. She was snoring in bed. Apparently the nurse who visited has told her she is not mental!!!! I doubt the nurse would say this but it makes her feel happy. She is not dressed, at 3pm. However she had some toast at 8am. I stayed and made her lunch and her tea. She is a shadow of her self, constantly retelling things over and over. This is not normal. I asked about the voices and noises she was hearing in hospital. She says these have stopped but she is having altered thoughts, this is clear from her discussions. I asked what the nurse said about the voices. She said the nurse never asked so she never told her. I think I need to see the nurse. Not only is my dad in permenant care now, but my mother is also disappearing and if I don't get a referral to the psychiatrist who specialises in elderly I will be screaming soon. She is however much better now she is at home. However I can't be certain if this is because she won't tell me, the drugs working or she is genuinely better. On a positive note dad is thriving. How long though will it be allowed that elderly are left to care for spouses until they reach breaking point, families can intervene but GPs should spot the signs and not ignore them. The elderly are not just regular visitors wasting your time, they are making a cry for help which GPs need to pick up on and intervene.

When carers go bad

What a day! My mum, carer for Clem, was taken ill 10 days ago. After a trip in the fast flashing ambulance she was delivered at hospital. Did I go with her? No, I couldn't I had to arrange respite for dad. Husband called, Clem was got up, showered and dressed and dispatched to what I now call Daddy DayCare. Thanks to a fabulous social worker who arranged the placement in 30 minutes. In fact getting him up and out was harder. Social workers get a bad rap most days but his is faultless so far, after a stream of time wasters, case closers and patronisers we have struck gold this time. I finally arrived at hospital to be told they were waiting for a scan and blood tests as there appeared to be a problem with her gallbladder and pancreas. Phew, painful for her but straightforward to fix, hopefully. That was 28th Feb, Thursday. Last Saturday I went to visiting to be told she could come home, I immediately spoke to the consultant and advised of her situation. If she is released she won't come back, she will find an excuse as this means Getting respite again and she is reluctant to do this any time. He agreed to keep her in until the MRI scan. Then Sunday came........ Confusion, voices' conspiracies events, lectures, garden parties, parties, protests, deaths........all fabricated. In the last week she has imagined....but believes to be true My husband left taking the kids, this was quite offensive to him. I died, obviously not, my dad died but seemed fine when I saw him today. Her ex daughter in laws mum became her best friend... Think not. Her best friend spent two days singing happy birthday on the carpark....her eldest granddaughter lectured every ward in the hospital....she is a beautiful speaker ...... The list goes on.......a funny one my husband sees to prostitutes at night as his job. Why does he get all the fun dreams???? I took my dad to see her today, he has sever dementia. On the way back to Daddy Day care he said she looks unwell, and confused... She doesn't like to be on her own... Needless to say she has had a breakdown, that's what comes when society expects people to look after partners and siblings because it saves cash. In this case it is going cost the state so much more. Get well Betty, Happy Mothers Day..