Trumpet a go go!!!!!

Well last Sunday dad was 87.
Mum does not want to visit Saturday, no mention of going twice !  I get a feeling we go so she can tell friends she has been. However that is harsh, she misses him terribly, and is lost without him that explains why we spend three hours choosing a plant for him Saturday.
87. A great achievement, but he didn't know it was his birthday. His condition worsens every week, but this week was really bad, bad tempered at times, talking nonsense. Utter rubbish really!!! I never thought I would write a card that explains who every one  is, your grandson aged 18 at Manchester uni son of ....... Was pretty much it. He seemed to take in what was written and this made him confused and angry. The suggestions to explain who and what everyone is didn't work then. I'll stick to usual photos and simple explanations in future.
 I also find she getting fat remarks slightly offensive, yes I am but that happens years ago! To be reminded does not help , thanks dad.
 But I sat there the thinking what would birthdays have meant in the past? He never really bothered. No deal was made of birthdays in our house, they just happened. That is why, in my opinion, he associates no importance with them. Even Christmas was limited to "after breakfast". However I then thought about the tunes he would play as he did like music, englebert, Julio and lots of others, but his favorite was always James Last. The one I remember was trumpet a go go. A classic that he would bop away to. So I choose to remember him as the party boy who was fun and danced, not the miserable old man that insults my weight and family as he did at weekend!!!

Fighting over Ferraro !

Dad has been in a care home since last March. He has advanced vascular dementia. The care home has been closed since new year due to norovirus, well closed to visitors. So today is the first time I have seen home for three weeks. We arrived and he was missing. Not in his usual spot I went looking for him. He was sat all on his lonesome in the dining room. He said he couldn't leave as every time he tried to they told him to finish his brew. Plus he hadn't had his dinner, sorry that's Wigan for lunch. He flatly refused to move, eventually my mum came and found us. He had no idea we had not been, no idea where he was, whether he had eaten, what he was doing. I then had 20 minutes of him getting cross about the people not coming to his table to get the next job? People had been bringing him things all morning to fix and he was tired, everytime he fixes them they just break them again. Yes, random, bizarre comments. He is so much worse. Mum had taken him some chocolates, he unwrapped on and placed it on the table. He then proceeded to play table football with it for the next 15 minutes, quite funny really. Every two minutes my mum would tell him to eat it, he would smile at me and flick it across the table. It really , really annoyed her. "eat the chocolate it's aggravating me" she said, all the time smiling in case the care workers heard Her shouting. He didn't and just messed about. I spoke to the carers and he is sleeping excessively, says me who had a nap when I got home, but he is falling asleep whilst eating now. He fell asleep twice whilst we were there. Does anyone know is this common in dementia??? Mum still thinks he is putting it on, I'm convinced. But every now and agin there are moments of brilliant cruelty. Just before we left mum said everyone had been asking how he was. His response, do you tell them you put me in an old folks home!!! Two minutes earlier he thought he was at home. So the nasty side of dementia is finally surfacing. I don't expect things will change this year. Every week he will ask me how many children I have, who's' dogs are on my phone and have I got new shoes??. Have a great year everyone and remember It's not your fault!!!!!