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Now those of you who have previously read this blog know my dad is now in an EMI unit. That's Elderley Mentally Ill. Dementia as mentally ill, I beg to disagree. This is not a state of mind, he has progressive vascular dementia that is caused a physical narrowing of the vessels in his brain. But hey , ho. He is in a care home, a really nice home, with lovely residents. And caring staff..... But today I saw things, I asked for an escort to the bathroom for him. No one came, but I did spy one carer doing the hair of another in the hair salon at the end of the corridor. So what if he wets himself when my mum is visiting, make sure you look good when you turn out tonight. But part of me thought, you must hav ethe patience of a saint to do this job. I am not a soft touch. But even I did not speak or complain about this. Luckily he was ok in the bathroom. But did I need to wait for him to go? Why did I not go with him??? I'm his daughter and he still has some dignity. I did however have to take him for a shave, no one had bothered to help him do that. This is a very expensive five star home. Goodness knows what the three star ones get. Anyway onto the purpose of this blog. Most of the residents have memory issues. Heck, last week it was, who can remember longest? One lady proudly announced, I can remember what we had for lunch! The only one. Today they told me how much dad had enjoyed the tennis final. I asked him, reply I never saw it. For the first time ever mum cried whilst there. The guilt of having a husband in care still bothers her. We were talking about their diamond wedding and she said to super memory lady, well sixty years I have done the best I could. Too right, she spent the last ten as a full time carer for a stroke victim who developed dementia. No easy task. No matter how sad it is, going visiting make me giggle. It really annoys mum that I laugh at memory challenge. What ever I say, very loudly as both her and dad refuse to wear their hearing aids, is the source of gossip. My parking ticket last week was a hot topic for,,,,,, three minutes before they forgot. After shopping mum asked me not to discuss things that happen as they talk about it, she does not want to be the source of gossip. As for me. I am going to think of more and more scandalous things to say. They sit all day in the conservatory, nodding off, bored. If my silly tales amuse them and get them chatting for three minutes then go for it. I just need to think of some juicy bits of gossip they can relate to. The high today, dads face when they asked if he wanted a shandy! Oh yes please. Then he forgot it was there, left and it got warm. Wasted! Dementia is bad, but not drinking in hot weather just make sit worse.

Those diamonds are starting to twinkle

The last few weeks have seen a massive deterioration in my dads memory, so much so ,that at times I think he is taking the mick. Some days are better than others but I now have a mother who is really unwell and that demise has been much more rapid than his. She is suffering from what I like to call careers lag. She reached the point of exhaustion that it affected her physically and mentally. The once ideas person of the family has in three months turned into an old lady, a really old lady. Her stance , speed of thought, general well being...... scream I'm old. Until four years ago she played 18 holes of golf each week at 80+. But the horizon is bright, in fact it is like a Swarovski crystal or even better. Yes it's just over two months to their diamond wedding anniversary. I have volunteered to organise. A local restaurant has been more than helpful, I need a copy of the wedding cert for a secret mission, I have a cover story, and the place that he now lives have an advert out for a carer to accompany him. But what I can't get is that she still does not accept he has a memory a goldfish would be proud of. It's sad that seeing him week after week, she flatly refuses to acknowledge that this is not going to get better So I made a decision, give her the party she wants, I know the normal dad always loved a party. I will get good food , good friends, and make her feel special. Yes my patience will be tried. Dementia is crap, not so much for those with it , but for those watching, but maybe I'm just selfish!