We don't have an oven

Apologies to any people offended at me finding some of this funny, as I have said befor we are lucky enough to have a person with dementia who is happy in his own world displaying no signs of aggression or agitation.

That says more about his core personality than I can ever write.

Today was dad sitting day again. As I am still his little girl he makes an effort to stay awake. I can't see his face as I am working at the table behind him, his attempts to stay awake result in frequent, loud, snoring every 30 minutes. But the minute I check on him he wakes and asks for food. I darnt even tell mum how many cakes and biscuits he ate today!!!!

The house is absolutely roasting and I am desperate to open a window, or a door. But I know a door is out of the question as he will wander. But he knows this, even a trip to the bathroom he comes and tells me where he will be.  He adds so you don't go looking everywhere for me.

Back to the temperature.
"Are you too warm?", I ask.

No, it's freezing. His ability to dress appropriately or react to temperatures went last year. I tell him you are always cold if I put you in the oven would you be warm?

"Of course, but we don't have an oven" the reply

 When I ask what is that in the kitchen , he looks at me like I am stupid "That's a stove". No connection in his head. Then he smiled. "An oven has big heavy doors and coal" and then we are back in his youth.

Sometimes I wonder??????

The perfect Christmas present

Well it's that time of year again. Being a somewhat organised individual, at times, I like to get Christmas sorted before the end of November. Menus planned, cards written, presents bought. I know I won't have time closer to Christmas.

But what do I buy a man who wants nothing, needs more than most but what he needs is not for sale and most importantly won't remember a) it Christmas,   B) who else is in the room,  c) what he ate for dinner


Given my earlier post you probably can guess.....

I'm baking him a cake!

He does like a nice bit of cake!!!!

I'm just waiting for tea

There are times when you feel they are simply putting it on. Tonight I spent some time talking to mum abut her health, she says he never listens. I arrived as they finished tea, that's dinner for non Wiganers!
But he does! When I quizzed him he repeated everything. In fact today was a good day to an onlooker.
He looked healthy, alert and fully functioning. Just older than most. He has joined in with conversations and remembered who we are.

To be fair I only saw them for 30 minutes.

As I said I was leaving at 6.45pm he sat at the breakfast bar. I asked, "why are you sat there?"

"I'm waiting to have something to eat"

I'm just waiting for kick off

I've spent the day dad sitting. Heaven knows he spent enough time looking after our kids now its payback time. So after a disastrous morning, broken washer and mothers car breaking down in the village , I go to undertake my duties.
As I get there his face is contorted and I ask what's wrong. "It's always like this!" was the response. So after a few seconds facial exercise he looks normal again.

I always try to find something on tv we can talk about. Today I was in luck, track cycling and rugby.
We start with the cycling, I am not familiar with rules of the event but, suss after a couple of rounds that last man round is eliminated.  I tell dad this, he is unaware that cycling is on. Even though he is watching.

So rugby starts.

I watch and can't think of anything to say, to me it's torture but he seems to be enjoying it, or so I thought.  Must have dozed off as I wake up game stats are on screen and he is sat watching avidly.
I ask who won.................the reply..

" I'm just waiting for kick off"

Is a cow an animal?

If you have a dementia sufferer in the family at some point they will under go testing. Now you can sit there and weep at what is lost or disrespectfully chuckle at the answers. Those who know me will gues which route I took.

We go to testing with me, my bonkers dad and my partially deaf mum . Sorry if that seems insensitive, logically incorrect or uncaring. It's our way of coping.

What year is it?
Answer don't YOU know? Said very sympathetically .....by dad.

Has there ever been a woman PM? Answer.....don't be silly.. To be fair, you could have asked this when Mrs T was in power and he would not have known. No interest what so ever in politics.

Then came can you name me five animals, it may have been ten.  Answer dog........ After minutes the tester , a really patient man asked again.   Some minutes later dad asked Is a cow an animal?

My mum then drained of colour... Not quite sure what she had heard. Luckily she missed some of the others , mainly because she refuses to wear her hearing aid, I tell her it's fine.

How do you tell them after almost 60 years of marriage this is the start of the end?

At first you don't. But after 18 months of going down hill you have to start with the home truths. Not the perfect job for a daughter .

We now talk openly about how its not going to get better. Ever.

So the man who I grew up with, who taught me the love of making things and ideas, who spent hours making fancy dress costumes out of polystyrene, yes we made a sit in EMU, it was the late 70s early 80s, all of the muppets, FULL SIZE!!!!!  Including that great big monster thing.

        sits there happy but not there.

He is sat is front of us but not here

About 10 years ago now my father had a stroke. Big deal! So do many others. I remember the moment in the hospital when the doctor said he had, at best, 48 hours left to live. 

However, my Dad is tough nut. He is a grafter, has been all his life. In the weeks proceeding this point, he had put a new roof on our porch, refurbished a house for my brother and done more than a full weeks work every week since his 65th birthday. At this point he was 74.  He had to keep busy, otherwise he would be at home. Whilst he had been married to mum for 40 odd years his place, in his mind, was out at work.

He did recover. He spent a long time time in hospital and rehab is still ongoing.

But now worse than his stroke, we have dementia. Or rather, he does. Luckily, he does not care. Even though it is advanced, he is calm and placid.

Today really brought home how bad he is. We went out for tea ( that's Wigan for dinner!) with three of grandchildren, his wife (my mum) and my husband.  He repeatedly asked where we were going and if mum was coming on the way. I asked him during the meal who everyone was and he only knew me and my mum. 

How sad is that?

I will try to post more tales from Clem over the months ahead. However what you must not do is feel sorry for him. He has had a fantastic life, is still married and is very content. So long as he is fed and can sleep 20 hours a day he is happy. 

 Oh and he does like a nice cake .